New year, same you…just more balanced.

Exploring how to live a happier, healthier life in 2023 (and beyond)…

By Greg Reeve

NHS Health and Wellbeing Coach

Striking a balance can be tough in this ever-changing, dynamic world. There is so much we need to think about, and it can be difficult to prioritise certain aspects of our lives over others. We often find ourselves stuck in vicious cycles and bad habits, or worrying about things that aren’t within our control. The past can become something we resist and try and forget rather than being a positive learning experience that helps us grow and develop. It can then be difficult to strike a healthy balance in life due to these past and also present stresses and the thought patterns we can consequently find ourselves stuck in. In Health and Wellbeing consultations we spend time together understanding the above, and then look at practical ways we can take control of our lives and gain authorship of our own stories.

Whilst everyone is of course beautifully unique and different, with their own experiences of life and personal challenges, I write this with a view to offer patients an all-encompassing health and wellbeing philosophy to consider now entering in to 2023.

I would like to discuss four pillars I consider key to achieving balance in this demanding modern world.

1. What we do with our bodies….

EXERCISE!!! Ugh, a dirty word to some people, and to others a necessary evil that they endure. To some however, exercise is an opportunity to move and connect with their bodies, and an essential tool for mental health. Running 5k isn’t for everyone, I know it’s not for me. Just like throwing weights around a gym, or swimming, or playing a racket sport, or going for a walk, or climbing, or yoga, or tai chi isn’t for everyone. However, I would argue that there is always SOMETHING for everyone. It’s just about finding that thing that you actually quite enjoy or can tolerate. You don’t need to do it well, just doing it is enough.

What can be beneficial to find motivation is to use exercise with an intention. The intention to lose weight often makes it a chore, something that puts added pressure on, so what other intentions can we have to use exercise as a tool and make it more productive and worthwhile?

Could it be to; Increase mental strength and resilience by feeling strong and empowered? Spend time with the family in nature? Step out of your comfort zone by stepping towards something that invokes a bit of fear/anxiety? Give some much-needed time to yourself rather than prioritising the needs of others? Get out some frustration/anger that builds up over the day? To feel energised and awake? To break up the day and increase productivity at work? To sleep better? The possibilities are endless. Personally I use exercise as a way to physically release. Any stress that accumulates during the day I then expel at the gym by lifting weights, then have a sauna to sit, relax and be present for 15 minutes. I know this isn’t for everyone, but it works for me. What works or could work for you? If you have physical limitation, how can you adapt? What can it give you beyond the obvious health benefits?

Top tips:

• Getting movement into the routine as a priority. Minimum 2/3x per week.
• Have an intention for exercise other than just to keep fit/lose weight.
• Pick a time that works for you and your routine.
• If other things take priority, think about whether they need so much of your time and energy. Why are they so much more important?
• Find something you ENJOY, be it alone or socially.

2. What we put in to our bodies…

Another obvious key pillar of health is what we eat and consume on a daily basis. Food manufacturers are often looking for that sweet spot combination of sugar, fat and salt combined with glossy advertisements to get us hooked to their particular products. Fast food, confectionary and drinks manufacturers all employ similar tactics. Hundreds of diets, pills, procedures, shakes and fads claim they will instantly take off the pounds, and these do work for some people…however is it sustainable? For many the weight just comes off and on again, yo-yoing rather than staying off for the long term.

So where to begin with something as complex as diet? To me the answer here is everything in moderation, or balance. If you don’t like fruit or vegetables then find the ones you dislike less and eat them- it doesn’t need to be all or nothing. If you are having sugar and caffeine on a regular basis to lift your mood or give you a little boost of energy, then identify this as a dependency and gradually attempt to break the habit. You’ll then start to see your energy levels slowly come back up and last longer rather than spiking and crashing. If you are eating emotionally due to feelings of boredom, guilt, loneliness, grief, frustration etc then let’s deal with the emotion rather than suppressing and self-medicating with food and other substances. What is it you are craving when these feelings come up and what does that particular substance do for you?

Whether it be alcohol, nicotine, drugs (prescription or illegal), sugar/carbs, fats or any other substance that can be harmful in excess, the question we need to ask ourselves is what is that substance giving us in that moment? Is it a feeling of comfort, or an increase in self-confidence, or does it make us forget or help us relax? This ongoing process involves being honest with how we are feeling in the moment rather than pushing the emotions down or “depressing” them. Part of this can involve observing what sensations are happening in our bodies when we do crave and being curious as to what emotions may lie behind those feelings? We will explore this more later when we discuss the mind, however the basic principle here is the practice of “conscious consumption”.  This involves giving energy and focus to identifying what we are consuming to excess and what these substances are giving us. We can then choose if this is something we still need or depend on and decide if we can have it in moderation or even want to stop completely. Essentially it involves taking control of what we put in to our bodies rather than those substances controlling us.

Top tips:

• Be honest about what we are having to excess and why. Make CONSCIOUS eating choices and pay attention to how we FEEL when we have cravings.
• Plan! Have 10 or so meals that can be easily cooked from scratch, ideally in bulk. Then put them in to separate containers and freeze for the week for when you need that quick ready meal.
• Don’t eat in front of the TV every night. Take your time and be present with it. Maybe put some music on.
• Eat 2/3 balanced meals a day, don’t starve yourself thin.
• If you don’t eat fruit and veg, then push yourself to eat more!
• Avoid too much processed food and anything with too many ingredients you can’t pronounce.
• Look for healthier sweet alternatives rather than refined sugar- there are more and more out there and some really great quick and easy recipes you can try.
• Try and eat within a 10-12 hour window, ideally not eating/drinking anything 2 hours before bed (except water). Time restricted eating can have amazing results without changing what you eat, just changing when you eat it.
• Have fun with and enjoy cooking. Try tapping into having GRATITUDE for the abundance of choice we have.
• Pay attention to the traffic light system

3. What we do with our minds…

There is no doubt the connection between mind and body is incredibly powerful. How we perceive things and the stories we create around events shape the way we live our lives and interact with each other, and of course determine much of our health and wellbeing. We have a limited amount of time in the day and a bar of energy that we can allocate to certain activities, some more fulfilling than others. Much like with the food industry, we live in a world where media companies are competing to get our attention and focus and ensure we devote our precious time and energy to their particular product. We can find ourselves mindlessly jumping on to social media, netflix/TV, apps or games and before we know it we’ve lost large chunks of the day. Even without these addictive platforms there are the unconscious human drives and fears that cause us to be in a state of constant “doing”.  Many of us feel the need to be busy and struggle to sit still, and even after a lifetime of hard work there can be a reluctance to retire and slow down.

Whilst I am not advocating everyone pack up shop and sit down and relax all day, I am conscious of the question that If we are constantly “doing”, then how can we ever be aware of how we are “being”? We are human beings after all rather than human doings. Inevitably like everything in life it comes down to finding a balance and being mindful about why we are doing what we are doing. For example, why am I working really long hours? Do I need to work that extra hour/shift or am I working more than I need to? Why am I doing this? Is it because it makes me feel important, needed and a sense of worth? Do I have any fears of being dismissed or letting people down? Am I trying to prove myself? Where do these feelings come from?

Asking ourselves these important questions with curiosity and without judgement can help make our behavior conscious and consequently we can work towards achieving that important balance of what to do with such little time in the waking day. Continuing to do things unconsciously in excess such as gaming, scrolling, tweeting, watching, reading, filming then our behaviors can start to be in control of us rather than vice versa.

Yes I will choose to watch something I enjoy in the evening, but I won’t watch TV every night, and when I do I will only watch it until 10:30pm rather than falling asleep in front of the TV and getting a poor nights sleep. Why am I watching so much TV, what’s it giving me? Are there alternative ways to spend my time?

Yes I will reply to my friend’s WhatsApp message now, but I won’t start scrolling on Instagram just because I am feeling a bit awkward in this social situation. I am going to sit and be present. Why am I feeling so restless and need to be distracted? Is it the environment I’m in? Where have I felt like this before? Do I need to escape this feeling or can I sit with it?

Yes I will take my son to football practice, but I won’t then spend an hour ironing his shirts because I have my book group at that time and I enjoy that. Yes I feel guilty that he won’t have ironed shirts for school, but that’s fine. Where does that guilt come from? Am I concerned about what other mothers think? Does it matter?

These are all examples of things we can do mindlessly without thinking. Mindfulness, on the other hand, is something that can be practiced with everything. Mindful exercise, doing the best thing for you at the right time with the right intention and focus. Mindful eating, paying attention to emotions/stresses that affect our eating behaviors and taking time to eat and enjoying things in moderation. Mindful down time, rather than distracting, maybe learning and using that time thoughtfully with intention.

Top tips:

• Pay attention to what it is you do in your “down time”. Are you just distracting yourself from how you feel? Are you “being” or still “doing”?
• Have times in the day to be still and breathe. 7-11 breathing, or box breathing can be great ways of connecting with your body, particularly when feeling stressed/anxious.
• Have some kind of practice where you allocate time to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Maybe try journalling fears and anxieties to get them out in the open rather than keeping it all in and letting the pressure and ruminating thoughts build.
• Think about having a regular practice that allows you to be creative.
• Be conscious of screen time.
• Take a moment to pause and become aware of the present moment. Observe what you are doing, notice how you are feeling and pay attention to different sensations in your body.

4. Sleep

Sleep can be a tricky one. I’m sure you’d agree it often seems the more we TRY and sleep, the more difficult it becomes. Then when we don’t get enough sleep, it can really affect our body clock, emotions and energy, increasing anxiety levels and causing brain fog and countless other issues.

Fear and anxiety can often be a barrier to a good night’s sleep, where worries and concerns that are pushed down or ‘depressed’ throughout the day tend to flood the brain. A way of dealing with this links to mindfulness as above, and involves giving ourselves time to feel, observe our thoughts and emotions and pay attention to sensations in our bodies during the day or before bed. Meditation, breathing, journalling fears, making lists, having a bath etc can all be effective ways of giving yourself time to think and process things before bed rather than trying to sleep with a full mind. There is no one size fits all with this, and what works for you may not work for others, but there are lots of resources out there. Youtube and apps Calm and Insight Timer have many free guided sleep meditations and sleep stories that you could explore.

Sleep is hugely important. There is a reason we and other animals spend a large proportion of our lives doing it. Here are some other ways you can look at improving your sleep pattern. (taken from Matthew Walker: Why we sleep, a great book for anyone struggling with sleep)

Top tips:

• Stick to a regular sleep schedule. Get to bed at a similar time each night and give yourself a good 8 hours.
• Don’t exercise too late, ideally min 2hrs before bed.
• Limit caffeine/nicotine intake. That cup of coffee at 2pm can still be in your system when you go to bed.
• Do something that relaxes you before bed for 10-20mins (maybe some gentle breathing/meditation)
• Avoid alcohol before bed
• Don’t nap in the afternoon
• Avoid large meals/beverages before bed
• Have a dark, cool bedroom and avoid gadgets in your bedroom. If they are unavoidable, turn on the blue light filter.
• Try and get 30mins sunlight exposure per day.
• Don’t stay in bed if you can’t sleep, get up and do something else until you feel sleepy or anxiety could kick in.

Summary

Mindfulness is something that we can incorporate in to almost everything we do. We of course cannot be mindful all the time, we only use 10% of our brains after all, but we can start doing some things more mindfully. It of course all comes down to balance, practice and awareness. There will be times where the pendulum shifts one way or another, but let’s permit ourselves to fail, and to fall back in to old habits rather than getting frustrated with ourselves and getting deeper in to a vicious cycle when we do. Let’s feel, and have curiosity with a view to identifying what has triggered this disequilibrium, paying attention to the signals our body is giving us. This can foster a deeper connection with self, and better understanding of our full range of emotions and what triggers them. If anything, let’s try and be more honest with ourselves and others and work towards authenticity, less concerned about how we “should” be, and more open to being our true selves.

If you would like to book an appointment to discuss ways you can implement the above, then please feel free to contact the surgery and book in with the Health and Wellbeing Coach at your convenience. It’s FREE after all.

Wishing you all a healthy, more balanced and prosperous 2023!

Best wishes

Greg Reeve